5 scary reasons not to hold your breath until the monster called Amazon delivers
Covid was the scariest thing to plague the planet last Halloween. This year, at least in my mind, the most frightening phenomenon is Corporate America. You know, those rich dudes who profit off the little guy.
This week, I especially find Amazon haunting. Now, don’t get me wrong. Jeff Bezos is probably a lovely individual. But his business practices don’t always emphasize quality. The main goal is generate money.
Earlier this month, I preordered a book released October 18. The price included $5.99 for shipping and handling. Google searches and experience told me to wait 2-3 weeks. A week after ordering, I received an email from Amazon, contending the order will arrive in December. I asked twice why my order is taking twice as long to fulfill. I was informed consistently it is because I didn’t buy Amazon Prime Delivery. I still haven’t received an answer as to why I need to pay the monster twice to get my book.
I shop at independent bookstores whenever possible because Amazon has a monopoly, selling almost 90 percent of all books ordered online. For authors who self-publish on Amazon, it might be the only venue where their work can be sold because it could be part of their publishing deals. It also is becoming more difficult by the minute to get a traditional book deal because marketing departments of publishing companies can’t compete with Amazon for online sales.
However, traditional publishers care about authors and they care about books. If all the books on the planet became the burned characters in Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451, traditional publishers would have to reinvent their industry. But the monster would be thriving. It can still haunt you with some shady dealers who will be glad to sell you a broken air-fryer.
Knowing this, I get really riled when I tell folks I’m looking for a certain product and they say, “Order from Amazon.” When I ask why people purchase stuff through the monster, I’m told it’s easy and Amazon has almost anything. Usually, it arrives fairly quickly. In other words, people want instant gratification. Well, here are five tongue-in-cheek – but scary – reasons not to hold your breath until the monster called Amazon delivers that instant gratification.
Amazon Does Not Put Women and Children First - The corporate giant may have adopted a name that represents women warriors who fiercely guard the edge of the world, but instant gratification and speedy service isn’t so instant and speedy when it takes six weeks to get it. If you still believe Amazon provides instant gratification, that’s OK. But you might want to toss out that idea with the bath water and that famous baby. By the way, that baby proves conglomerates such as Amazon make us human lemmings who go along without questioning the flow. Did any one of you bother to stop and ask the name of that baby who keeps getting tossed out? All little Joey does is get placed in the wrong tub at the wrong time.
Amazon’s Delivery Delay Excuses Are for the Birds – if Amazon wants to live up to its name, instead of getting Prime to deliver, forget the horsepower. Take the drivers off the street and hire Amazon parrots to do air drops. However, that would require outsourcing American jobs to Central America. And if Amazon doesn’t care any more about the birds than it does about you and your order, there is no guarantee there won’t be animal cruelty. On the other hand, Amazon officials could teach the parrots to say: “You’ll get your order in reasonable time if you pay for shipping as well as Amazon Prime.”
Prime Delivery Vans Are Not Emergency Vehicles – The average Amazon delivery driver might be the reason it takes weeks to receive your order in Los Angeles. Available parking spaces are non-existent in some areas. But the reason Amazon Prime drivers can deliver in Los Angeles within two or three weeks versus six weeks is because prime drivers view themselves as drivers of emergency vehicles. They don’t circle the block until they find legal parking. They just stop in the middle of the street with lights flashing and the backdoor left open for anyone to steal your stuff while they mosey through the hood with a couple of boxes. Ordering Amazon Prime might speed up delivery of your package, but it can delay your life if you get stuck in traffic behind an illegally parked van.
It Will Take an Act of Congress to Strengthen Copyright Infringement Laws
Author Douglas Preston was president of the Writers Guild in 2019. As such, he wrote an article published online by the Los Angeles Times. He revealed results of a guild survey indicating full-time authors earn 42 percent less than they did 10 years ago, partly because of counterfeit book scams and e-book piracy allowed on Amazon. You see, the copyright law doesn’t require Amazon to be responsible for what gets sold through the monster’s venue. It is the author’s duty to gather proof of imposters and request the crook’s account be taken down.
We Find Instant Gratification in Giving Away Our Power to Lose a Waiting Game
The Greeks referred to the Amazonians as a group of fierce women warriors, who existed on the edge of the world. Today the edge of the world is called Left Field. It’s time to quit supporting conglomerations that don’t support our dreams.
Since Amazon is named after strong women, maybe it’s time women stand up to the monster and stage a battle to take back our buying power. I’m recommending we avoid Amazon as much as possible during the holiday shopping season. Shop at mom-and-pop shops. Order from independent book dealers. Make your own gifts. Use the U.S. Postal Service or some other service to get your gifts to their destiny.
However, if you insist on ordering from the monster, then you should do that. But if you decide not to purchase Prime Delivery and you find yourself waiting for your book and air-fryer, use that time to check back next week when the Vintage Vixen gives five reasons why Simon Cowell should revamp our nation’s judicial system.